johnmdemarco posted on February 10, 2011 18:21
Sometimes it’s possible to be in danger of wanting to do something for God more than actually wanting God. Does that sound familiar?
You can ostensibly have the most noble of intentions; but, deep inside, there is a degree of selfishness, desire for comfort, hope of status, etc., that is thickly layered into your motives. After all, the doing of something is much more tangible than merely abiding in the invisible. Concreteness is quickly selected over consciousness—even though the latter is the greater, enduring treasure and ultimate sense of reality.
I hunger for the kind of deep spirituality where my desire to pray, engage scriptures and serve others in God’s name is not contingent upon what I’ve recently received—or not received. Rather, my dream is that it would flow from an underlying spring of joy, a current that transcends mere temporal happiness.
There are some circumstances I want really badly in my life right now. I recognize the longing, and how it is competing with a sweet, simple surrender to abiding in the Vine. Perhaps the recognition is in and of itself some sign of progress.
I wish the recognition were the cure for contingent faith, but it is a blessing for the eternal, present moment. Which is the only moment I have.