I have declared on this Web site that the key person whom I am called to serve through my writing, consulting, coaching and speaking vocation is:
The critically-thinking professional seeking deeper fulfillment—spiritually, relationally, intellectually and emotionally.
In a recent entry I unpacked what I mean by "critically-thinking professional," someone with a sense of urgency about their life, someone who is willing to peel back the layers to see what is there, to seek first to understand before trying to be understood. In this entry I want to discuss the dynamic of this person "seeking deeper fulfillment--spiritually, relationally, intellectually and emotionally."
First I perceive a need to clarify the use of the term "seeking." This is not the best choice of words in the truest sense because it implies that fulfillment is found on some external plane; the word "surrender" is more accurate in my opinion, for reasons I will soon state below. However, I use "seeking" here because it is one quite common in the vernacular and resonates with many people. I find it quite pragmatic to meet people where they are and journey with them from that point, and speaking the same "language" is key to building trust and credibility with an individual.
Most importantly, let's not get so caught up in the word "seeking" (nor in any word for that matter, since every word is an imperfect form that intends to express the formless), but rather focus our attention on what is being sought. And what is this elusive "fulfillment" that is being sought, that is so commonly perceived as "out there somewhere?"
I believe that the ultimate boon, the truest heartfelt desire of the critically-thinking professional, is a congruent synthesis of four vital dimensions of what it means to be a sentient being: the spiritual, relational, intellectual and emotional spheres that must intersect and interact in order for a person to have a sense of wholeness. This is "fulfillment," when you have the joyful awareness that no key gaps are present in your life. It is congruence rather than "balance," because balance is a misnomer, an illusion that consumes way too much energy in its pursuit and leads only to frustration. There is no law in the universe that we must be "balanced," but the code toward congruency truly is written in the human heart.
Considering these four dimensions or spheres, a key epiphany that is foundational for fulfillment is a final, lasting surrender to the indisputable reality that we are, in fact, spiritual beings. We are temporal, form-based expressions of the formless, just as a word, analogy or metaphor is a fleeting expression of that which is beyond expression. Our forms are breathing, speaking and doing in the context of chronological time, but our deepest identity is eternal. Religions, in whatever angle they embrace, are human beings' effort to make sense of what is beyond total human perception, and we find in the world's greatest religions some common strands of mythology and universal archetypes that ultimately point beyond personalities, dogma and practices to a divine consciousness that informs us all.
The person who strives to live as if she or she were not ultimately a spiritual being is, as St. Paul put it, trying to "kick against the goads." It is a fruitless and completely unnecessary effort, usually with a root cause of fear, resentment, anger or some other emotion wrapped up in an actual or perceived misdeed promulgated by a specific religious institution or set of religious followers. Material gain or other external forms of perceived "success" will be proven fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying as long as this person fails to nurture their true nature as a spiritual entity.
To come to terms with one's spiritual identity is to open the door toward synthesis with the other key spheres; in fact, such synthesis is untenable without the spiritual being cemented first. Because I am growing in awareness of my transcendent, spiritual identity, I am more apt, motivated and intentional toward relating to others. I sense in them that same divine consciousness, that cord of connection with all living things. Duality gradually diminishes; they are not my opponent. I have empathy for and interest in this other person because they are a part of me in some mystical sense.
Synthesis with the intellectual sphere is made possible by the acknowledgment of the spiritual as well. Divine awe sows the seeds of a pervasive curiosity, the passion to learn and understand and discover. The mind of the spiritual person will not be satisfied with simply being told what to think or told what "is"--they must self-discover it, wrestle with it, punch holes in it.
And finally, the health of the emotional sphere is a reflection of the successful synthesis of the spiritual with the relational and intellectual dynamics. Once these three are intertwined with passionate harmony, the emotional falls into place. I can only have healthy, productive, non-destructive emotions to the extent that I have made spiritual, relational and intellectual peace with myself and others; if any of these three is lacking, it will show up in what I feel and how I behave. One's level of emotional intelligence is inevitably intertwined with spiritual, relational and intellectual depth and vibrancy.
The culmination of this desired synthesis is that life's falsely-constructed “compartments” (health, family, vocation, recreation, spirituality, hobbies, etc.) become congruent and authentic in their intersection. There is no longer a need to shift guises when moving from one compartment to another--you are one congruent, holistic being. Life becomes more purposeful, characterized by the goal of making a significant difference as you feel challenged in a thrilling manner. A mindset of no significant regrets then begins to emerge as you are fully engaged in every moment; for if you bring an honest fullness of your being to every moment—with spiritual, relational, intellectual and emotional harmony—how can you possibly second-guess or regret your specific actions or behaviors? You won’t, because you will have done the right thing.
In a future entry I will discuss some particular obstacles to an individual surrendering to this synthesis, hurdles that we allow to prevent us from this fulfillment. The obstacles are so commonplace and "normal" that they make perfect sense to the culture at large, but at the heart of their interplay is a definite, incongruent madness.