johnmdemarco posted on January 14, 2011 21:24
I’m frustrated that it is not easier for me to journal. I don’t have an easy, seamless process. Scribbling stuff on a notebook doesn’t work well for me; too inaccessible. Typing in my laptop here means having to boot up and remember to back up.
Longing for the deeper life: it’s my constant challenge. How do I weave this thirst for the depths into all the tasks that are necessary for keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table?
I feel like I’m always multitasking. Even when I’m not doing something, my mind is multitasking. It spends far too few moments slowly peeling back layers, tasting ripened fruit, being still and noting and observing. It feels like it’s gotten harder to focus as I’ve gotten older. Perhaps certain technology has hindered this as well.
I would love to be writing at least a page here a day in this electronic journal, out of which would spring material for regular blog entries as well as chapters for books. The urge to share my writing with others never goes away, I suppose. But I do want to be inputting far more than I am outputting—I want to listen much more than I speak.
God—what is next? I have all this hunger, and this experience, and these gifts—but how do I offer your best gifts in me for your best purposes, so that I can best care for my family?
I wish I didn’t have to sacrifice sleep to journal this extensively! But right now all is quiet.