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Narcissus Blinked


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15

Today I wrote and re-wrote a short email response several times. Someone's terse email had upset me, and my instinct was to write back out of emotion.

The more I rewrote, thankfully, the less emotional my reply evolved. The entire time I was silently coaching myself to remember to practice all of the tactics I’ve been using and sharing with others for so long—to not take things personally, to see the needs and intentions of the other person in a trusting manner…to look at the bigger picture, and so forth.
 
In the end, the email was characterized by “less is more.” I left a lot on the cutting room floor. I felt like doing otherwise. But the lifelong quest for emotional intelligence involves plenty of sacrifice, and chief among what must be left at the altar is the desire to be right and ensure that others know they are wrong.
 

Comments

Sharon Lovoy
Saturday, December 03, 2011 12:59 PM
How true!! One of the things that is talked about in the book, "Crucial Conversations" is that when we react from our emotions we are using the reptilian stem, which is the "dumbest" part of our brain.

Instead of statements, which tend to take us to judgments and conclusions, and terrible stories about the other person, questions are like "jumper cables" for the brain which gets the brain back in the game. Especially the questions that probe for our own role in the problem. The book, "The Leadership Deception," has a wonderful conversation about the ways we judge the roles of others, but fail to see our own contribution.

And I am guilty, guilty, guilty of seeing so clearly the role of others but not as clearly seeing how I contributed.

As you said--lifelong quest!

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