johnmdemarco posted on April 16, 2010 19:04
Tonight I accomplished my first official 2010 mowing of the massive yard, which is growing with sheer abandon each week now that spring has fully arrived with a vengeance. After so many months of being freed from this task, it is easy to forget how long a quality mow, edging and clean-up really takes. I went straight from putting away the mower to asking the lawn guys up the street for their owner’s business card. We’ll see if I get a deal.
During the mowing I was processing my week, along with some of the political events that have happened on the national scene the past couple of days. I found the aggression of pushing the lawnmower to be a good outlet for the emotional energy I had bottled up inside. And yet, I also was frustrated by the proliferation of weeds and sticks interspersed across the lawn, and especially the tall weeds along every inch of my maturing picket fence. Everything just seemed to be growing in all directions, almost out of control. Life tonight feels a little out of control, the exterior landscape of my home symbolizing the internal tracts of my heart and mind at the moment.
Koyaanisqatsi, I keep thinking.
It’s a term I first learned while in college. It derives from the Hopi language, and means
“crazy life, life in turmoil, life out of balance, life disintegrating, a state of life that calls for another way of living."
It reads so over-dramatically when I glance back at the previous paragraph. Surely I’m just tired, just frustrated from my lingering back pain that has been joined by a lingering cough, just craving more down time and reflection. There was something about cutting the grass and feeling like it barely made a difference, though. Something so Koyaanisqatsi-ish about it all.
I’ve lived long enough to recognize life’s inevitable ebbs and flows. There are seasons of Koyaanisqatsi, and seasons where things feel like they are in rhythm. Sometimes the seasons take place in the same week, maybe even the same day.
Tonight, this logical awareness is what I am holding onto. It’s a steady anchor in the midst of perceived disintegration. A glass of wine, a good book and a good night of sleep might further solidify the logic and leave Koyaanisqatsi out in the weeds along the fence.