johnmdemarco posted on April 13, 2010 18:52
“Only he (or she) who is free to be silent has permission to speak.”
I can’t recall the origin of this quote, but it is one of my favorites relating to the compulsive need to be heard or admired because of our words. It came to mind the other morning when I was temporarily enjoying the peaceful dawn at a downtown Starbucks. Temporarily, until the two cyclists arrived.
She was the quiet one, free to be silent. He needed to be heard. By everyone in the coffee shop. For what seemed like hours.
I felt bad for the fellow at the other table who mentioned something about competing for a triathlon. He got an earful of advice, more than would be sufficient for your average blog entry or a quick plane ride from Miami to the Bahamas.
I respect opinions. Without opinions there would be no great causes to move forward, no ancient Greek symposium, no tantalizing debates. I certainly have opinions, and I express them here regularly.
But there is a time and a context for opinion sharing, and it is always in good taste to make every effort to not force your opinions upon a captive audience. True, one is free to leave the coffee shop, but is that a better solution than self-awareness and courtesy?
Thankfully, I’m pretty good at tuning out noise in public places and focusing on my creative work. But I was distracted just enough by the chatty cyclist to embrace a little self-examination:
At what times do I feel the urgent need to be heard, and what is my motivation? What emotions are involved? What am I trying to achieve through the words I am compelled to share? What void am I seeking to fill?
These are good questions to ask. Words are precious, in whatever form they arise. They are of tremendous lasting value, and most be chosen carefully. Cups of coffee come and go and are quickly forgotten, but how we communicate has a definite stickiness on other people’s impressions of us. And relationships tend to thrive the most when each person tries to out-do the other in active listening.