johnmdemarco posted on December 07, 2009 19:07
Much of my executive coaching work focuses on helping leaders get to the “root cause” of why their employees behave in a certain manner—and how they can help these employees self-discover such causes and make the appropriate behavioral changes in order to get different results. I coach around not just getting to the root cause of why someone is not performing well, but to get to the root cause of his or her particular strength. Why is it they are good at something? It’s a discussion that does not take place nearly often enough in corporate America, or perhaps even in classrooms and households.
But in this space today, I’m thinking first about the root cause of ineffective behavior. Driving to the office on a chilly Monday morning, I was contemplating my latest mental iteration of what seems to get in the way—in general—for most people when it comes to embracing satisfying careers and relationships. And I keep coming back to the same serpentine-like cluster of roots, to that unifying catalyst that lies underneath all negative or destructive behavior.
The fear of loss.
I find it interesting, and at times downright amusing, how much fear manifests itself during the holiday season as so many across the world celebrate the advent of the Christ child. The good news often seems expressed as bad news in our consumerist culture. Songs are sung about how "your troubles will be miles away," but many sure seem to clutch them at close range with a tight fist. We believe that if we don’t do enough (or get enough, in some cases), we will be judged or will disappoint others…and, consequently, will be losers in some regard.
FDR truly nailed it when he said, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Do some rigorous self-examination for a moment, and shine a powerful spotlight on what is currently stressing you out or keeping you awake at night. It is likely some kind of dread over what might happen or a lingering concern about what has already happened. The dread or concern ultimately is grounded in rumination over what you might fail to possess, be it a relationship; a position; material goods; security; and so forth. Even the fear of not measuring up is ultimately a form of the fear of loss; I will lose status or prestige or opportunities or my job, etc., if I fail to live up to a certain standard.
Think about some argument you had within the past few days, weeks or months. At the heart of the matter, maybe the other person was truly wrong in a factual or even moral sense. But if to any extent you lost your emotional cool, there was some semblance of fear attached. And that fear, like all fear, ultimately was about something you might lose if the outcome didn’t pan out a certain way.
If love of money is the root of all evil, then fear of loss is the root under the root. It is the pervasive human weakness responsible for every mortally-created ailment we face…and yet, it can be demolished when attacked by the root cause of our greatest strength.
And what is our greatest strength as a species? Our ability to surrender to faith and transcend fear. What is the root cause of such an overwhelming strength? Our true identity as perfect expressions of divine consciousness, ultimately not attached to any form, outcome or anything that we might lose.
Let go of the very thing you fear to lose, and the death of fear is certain. Yield to what can never be lost—the eternal, unchanging, abundant life that is your ultimate identity—and the clinging to all temporal aspects becomes as silly as a rogue wave claiming it has lost the ocean.
Hilarious. How can you lose your eternal nature? You can’t. So…what is it you were afraid of again?
In the meantime, have yourself a merry little non-sectarian holiday observation!