johnmdemarco posted on January 21, 2012 16:43
Part of my frustration was not knowing what to do. I did not know what I did not know, what the other teens seemed to grasp in terms of how to engage the high school culture and find a place to thrive.
The world was churning like mad all around me, as fellow students jumped into cliques, activities, sports and social climbing. I learned quickly that although I was no longer an obvious dork, I was still somewhat of a misfit in this new territory that was mine for the next three years. My heart longed for momentum toward some semblance of success, socially or academically or, ideally, both.
There is a complicated move that some strive to embrace in one form or another in the dance of life. This move is a delicate balance, maybe more of a tension, between tasting exotic flavors and maintaining a strong diet of innocence and purity. It is the pursuit of retaining the integrity of who you are and what you value, while experiencing unbridled passion and adventure. An effort to retain a life of reflection and one of popularity.
From the start, high school amplified the difficulty of this dance move. I found myself staring at the trees, dirt and signage populating the coming-of-age fork in the road; two seemingly disparate directions to my left and right. One could plunge me headlong into the social grind of the early-to-mid ‘80s. Another was an extension of the naïve, seemingly unscathed perspective that had characterized someone who wanted to impact the world through words, and not compromise just to fit in with whatever was worth joining.